Lost my Baby Son

Nothing feels worse in this world other than burying your own baby. No words can soothe the pain, and no person on earth can feel the pain other than those who were unfortunate to walk in similar shoes. Although, I was grateful for the immense support of my surrounding especially friends, I was also not happy with the comments of some people. Underestimating my feelings doesn't make me feel any better. Pretending to know how I feel where in fact you never lost a baby doesn't help either. Comparing a miscarriage through a drop of blood to loss of my baby I was able to hold in my arms..is definitely NOT THE SAME. I feel shattered from the inside...empty...may Allah Grant me patience to cope with this unbearable pain.

My Love...Here I Come To You, Rabat

Can't wait to step on your ground...and can't wait to see your people and roam in your old streets...can't wait to see the rush hour in downtown, and enchant my ears with the sound of rhythmic honking of your frustrated drivers. I just can't wait to contemplate the stars in the middle of night...and dive in my old childhood memories..I just can't wait to be in Rabat!

Silent Pain

A member of my Syrian extended family was shot on the head today! May you, Bashar Alassad, suffer through a painful death to feel the pain of every drop of blood and tears were shed by innocents civilians.

Mind-Boggling Ignorance

After a great lunch with my colleagues, we headed back to the hotel, but and on our way back to the hotel we were talking about the city since all of us were from different States trying to adjust to dynamics of detroit for the next couple weeks. Two of my colleagues started talking about churches they go to, and what they like about them, and I guess they felt I was left out of the topic because I am a Muslim and I had nothing to share with them about my faith. So one of them started asking me if I go to any local mosques, and I told him "Yes". I even added how I was surprised with the size and architecture of the mosque as my eyes never seen any bigger or more beautiful mosque like the one by my hotel. You know what his comment was? "OMG, I know that is such a huge mosque, I thought I was in the middle east for a second...such a big mosque in the US". He just took me by surprise... Well for starter, Islam is not a culture...so not all middle Eastern people are Muslim...and second, what's wrong with having a big mosque in US? There are temples everywhere...even bigger than churches! I think he was just jealous that my mosque was bigger than his small church :)

Bashar Assad--The Real Terrorist

While I was reading some news on Syria, I stumbled upon the above picture of a young Syrian kid from Hums region. The kid was beheaded and thrown in the street. This is a new tactic of the killing of innocent people in Syria. They take the kids, behead them and throw them on the floor for their parents to see them killed, and then afterwards they kill the parents. For any outsider, who doesn't know much about what's going on in Syria or naively thinks that those targeted by Syrian Military are the opponents of the regime in Syria...then you must be wrong. Syrian military knocks on civilians' doors randomly. Often times, they take the men of the house, jail them for few days while torturing them, and then kill them. But apparently, nowadays, the jails are getting so crowded and there is no much time left for Assad in his regime so he decided to give orders to terminate as many civilians as possible. Kids, women, elderly....all at once. Never in my wildest dream, thought such cruelty could exist or much worse take place in an Islamic country by majority..but who am I fooling. Bashar's family has a long deep history with cruelty in their past...if it wasn't for the killing, they wouldn't have made it to their presidential political position. As a matter of fact, they had the nerve to claim they were Muslims (since being a Muslim is part of the constitutional requirements for presidency in Syria). I'm just speechless this time for real. May Allah grant patience to those that lost their beloved families in this barbaric war. May you rotten in HELL Bashar!

Watch Your Kids!!!!

After a long hectic day, I decided to go to the mosque for Taraweeh prayers. The first 4 rakaat, weren't quite bad as I was struggling to focus on the imam's recitation and actually be able to feel some Khooshoo3 because he had no microphone on him...so it was quite a challenge to keep up with him. The last 4 rakaate, however; were more challenging because of Bani Adam. It took literally 2 Moroccan women to enter the mosque to make fitna in the women section. Their kids were rude, loud, and annoying. They kept on talking really loud..running, jumping around the ladies..to the point I wish I could grab one of them and throw him out of the window. I struggled to remain calm and focused on my prayers. But what annoyed me really the most is that they would literally start roughly a minute behind because they keep talking..mainly gossiping asking one another about really stupid stuff going on at the mosque. For instance, whose daughter is sitting here and whose son is sitting there. But the most frustrating of all, those women were Moroccans...and their kids were nothing but a true reflection of wild animals.

I Dream of Freedom

Trapped in guilt and fear
To the expectations I should adhere



It is what it is...Some call it a turning point of life...but all I can see is obscure darkness that I can't possibly see through it. I might be wrong in my feelings. I know I just need to muster some courage and get through this combat of life to move on with my life. But it's not easy to be totally free of fear..It's hard to not be free of doubts...I can't help but ask myself one question: What the heck did I sign up for in this life? I shall find out soon iA. For now, all I need to do is pray hard, work hard, and not forget to catch my breath from time to time...oh and remember to enjoy life.

"ORaric" Disappointment

One would think the era of discrimination based on the color of skin has vanished from the surface of earth but to my shocking surprise, today, I realized I was wrong. I attended a laparoscopy surgery where the room was divided by one black team and white team. Once in, I was astonished to see incomprehensible favorism towards my black partner by the black anesthesiologist. I thought to myself, well maybe she attended a previous surgery with this team and they know her very well. Throughout the surgery though, the general surgeon was mainly addressing me and another resident who was assisting in the surgery. Oh I gotta stress out the fact that the general surgeon was white. He hardly ever looked at the side of my partner. The OB/GYN performing the surgery was an Asian guy with dark skin... Even though he’s the doctor I am attending, and the surgery is his…he wasn’t quite given a chance to utter a word as the general surgeon was doing all the talk as if he was leading. So surgery was done and my partner and I reported back to the OBGYN’s office, and before we left he stopped us to ask if we noticed the discrimination between white and black in the OR! My eyes just bugged out as I was thinking it was all in my head at some point…but it really was not!!!! Never thought such backward way of thinking exists among the highly educated people! What a disappointment! I thought to myself why the hell is he putting up with this as he is one the finest surgeons with a lot of experience...but I realized once you live through daily discrimination throughout your life, your skin become thicker to any stones thrown at you. This fine doctor had long stories about his struggles back in UK, even though he was raised there...but his skin color was more of a burden to him in life yet he resisted and kept on going his way and claiming more success in his field.

Never thought British people could be awafully racist by dividing people according to their color and race! The funny part, to the white general surgeon I was white...maybe he didn't pick out my accent..but to OB/GYN I was a foreigner: A Moroccan..he thought he could share his struggles in life with and spare me some advices.

Weird & Random Invitation

Well I received a total weird random wedding reception invitation from my uncle's ex-wife. What a joke!

A Change I didn't witness

So I don't know what got me click on Moroccan news media this morning to get a scoop of some Moroccan flavor of news..unexpectedly and surprisingly, the first video I click on, which is an interview with a political figure in Morocco happened to be my father's best friend (or maybe used to be). Last I can remember he was no where near becoming a prominent political figure in the country...so how the hell he climbed the ladder?! and when this happened? Last I can remember of him is being part of diwane of a particular department in the country...well that happened because our political party (well my parents') won the elections and took over some departments...and oh boy life started changing from then. It was one of those magical days, where I truly witness the uneducated, and the poor rise and shine and become some political figure...and of course take advantage of the country resources, build villas here and there, pay cash for kids tuition in France or US...it was the same period of time, my father gave up his political activities for unknown reasons (or at least to us) and decided to keep living a normal life while we were all watching everyone we know climbing the ladder in society through active political involvement.
So back to the story, this old friend of my father didn't even get his high school diploma...so how the heck he got elected on the first place?! Knowing him that well, and knowing where he came from and what he has done...makes me want to vomit. So the interview went on mentioning how of a great politician he is not mentioning any of the highlight of his frauds: such as stealing lands from government, building villas using the government's money, and so on and so forth. I can go on endlessly.
I guess I just wanted to vent off how corrupted the government is in Morocco!!!!