Afghanistan

So I watched a documentary about this young girl named Islam describing her miserable life with her abusive husband and how she was married to him at a very young age...basically she was sold to him. To put an end to her miserable life, Islam poured diesel fuel over her body. A very heartaching story. Although this happened long time ago, I just felt the need to write about it because for almost a year now I have been heavily exposed to the Afghani culture and Afghan people since my very close friend happened to be an Afghani...she is the star of my group. She did PA school before but decided to join medical school as soon as she graduated. Every time I study with her, she just fascinates me with her knowledge in medicine and criticial thinking of putting things together. I always try to imagine what if my friend was living back in Afghanistan under Taliban ruling, will she ever be given the privilege to be the smart person she is now. Will she even be studying medicine? What would her life be like? I just think it's quite sad that a lot of potentials gets wasted in war or has been wasted during war especially under Taliban ruling.

FB insanity!

So what is it with people and facebook these days? Some are reporting every its and bits of their life step by step as if the entire world cares about them. I had this friend and her husband update their page at least once a day, exchanging love messages, husband posting pictures of his wife every time she eats an icecream then weighs herself, or ends up going to the gym, and some other silly STUPID pics where he says " look at my beautiful wife" Ok !! we get it! your wife is cute and you look just like a giant old bald beast next to her. Good news, I don't have to read their comments because they blocked me after I said enough is enough and suggested that it'd be easier to videtape themselves instead so we can get a more detailed scoop:) Was I mean? Totally!!! was I rude? Definitely!!! Do I regret it?! HECK NO!!!

Now I have another interesting friend who was diagnosed with something in her brain (can't remember for my life because every time I talk to her she tells me some new diagnosis). So this friend every time she takes a shot, she reports how many she did take, and if she feels any pain afterwards, and all the drama with her medical status updates. She seems more of a histrionic type of personaly with some bipolar disorder.

I totally understand the need of sharing some info with friends, but there is only much you can share people!!!!

Dear Friend. Sorry I forgot You Are (or were) My Friend

I received an email from an old friend, apologizing for not being a great friend to me while I was always good to her...Apology was mainly because she forgot to congratulate me on my wedding. Jeez totally forgot she never congratulated me...heck I even forgot that she never responded to my wedding invitation. In my head, I just assumed she was somewhere in some part of the world and she couldn't squeeze me in her schedule. But then again, true friends are there for you to share the greatest moments of your life with you...and the bad ones. My friend was very sincere in her apology and she ended her email by expressing the need to stay in touch with me. Jeez once again, I just sent her an email checking up on her few months ago, but then I couldn't remember if she ever responded. How could I be so dumb?!
I felt crappy after I finished reading her email. Though she was sweet and sincere, and I hold nothing against her even though she couldn't make it to my wedding...it's just that I realized that I am so naive in my friendships...I give my 100 % to my friends and I get nothing in return..most cases. and the people I don't expect anything from them, they were always the ones to be there for me in time of need or even share the happiest moments of my life like graduation ceremonies,engagement, and wedding. I just realized I have bad luck in this field...some don't deserve my friendship at all.
My birthday was few months ago...and I got surprise birthday cakes from random people I didn't even expect them to know my birthday....but as far as the people that I thought were truly my friends, they were so busy with their lives to the point of forgetting to wish me just a fake happy birthday.
Before my birthday was a friend's birthday...I spent literally 3 weeks organizing it...well it was a suprise party and I made sure she gets pampered the WEEK of her birthday and not just the day of her birthday...this friend happened to move out of the area...and someone so naive like me would expect her to at least give me a phone call to wish me a happy birthday...but instead sent me FB message: happy birthday dear friend. I felt she wasn't sincere in her wishes...and I didn't expect her to spend a penny on me but I was just hoping she would show some sincerity especially that I spent GOOD MONEY on her birthday....

Moral of the story...choose your friends carefully.

Gotta Be Selfish

It's one of those days...didn't know what to do with my time the entire day! Been devouring chocolate like there is no tomorrow for the past days, waking up every morning with a bad stomachache promising myself it'd be the last day to put myself through this pain...yet I find myself doing it over and over again as if eating chocolate would eliminate all of my stress. This is really pathetic...I can't wait for the sun to rise to lock myself in the library and be selfish! Why do I need to care about the world?! right?! I shouldn't give a rabbit about who is alive and who is dying! God, how I feel stupid for caring so much for sacrificing my time, energy and feelings to lift them up when they are desperately in need for someone to listen to on the expense of priorities. Jeez I want to cry and kill someone now!

I had a meeting with the dean yesterday, and stupid me broke into tears as always. This god damn med school made me cry rivers! I feel like I am in the military and not med school... one valuable advice he gave me : " you know how the horse sees? He doesn't have peripheral vision, he can see straight only, and that's how you should start seeing things...straight and focused and forget about everything else. be selfish". No wonder I get effed all the time !

Boy boy, how I am emotionally drained! There is so much on my plate and so many expectations, and balancing between this career and personal life has been a challenge. I just want to be anti-social, and focus on my well being and carry a healthy lifestyle! Screw the rest of the world and F* what people would think of me...I was always perceived as arrogant anyway! it's not like going to change anything this time!