Gotta Be Selfish

It's one of those days...didn't know what to do with my time the entire day! Been devouring chocolate like there is no tomorrow for the past days, waking up every morning with a bad stomachache promising myself it'd be the last day to put myself through this pain...yet I find myself doing it over and over again as if eating chocolate would eliminate all of my stress. This is really pathetic...I can't wait for the sun to rise to lock myself in the library and be selfish! Why do I need to care about the world?! right?! I shouldn't give a rabbit about who is alive and who is dying! God, how I feel stupid for caring so much for sacrificing my time, energy and feelings to lift them up when they are desperately in need for someone to listen to on the expense of priorities. Jeez I want to cry and kill someone now!

I had a meeting with the dean yesterday, and stupid me broke into tears as always. This god damn med school made me cry rivers! I feel like I am in the military and not med school... one valuable advice he gave me : " you know how the horse sees? He doesn't have peripheral vision, he can see straight only, and that's how you should start seeing things...straight and focused and forget about everything else. be selfish". No wonder I get effed all the time !

Boy boy, how I am emotionally drained! There is so much on my plate and so many expectations, and balancing between this career and personal life has been a challenge. I just want to be anti-social, and focus on my well being and carry a healthy lifestyle! Screw the rest of the world and F* what people would think of me...I was always perceived as arrogant anyway! it's not like going to change anything this time!